Forever Home

Let’s talk about forever homes. You know the houses that you think you’ll be to bring your babies home and raise them through high school. Then you’ll keep staying in that house for the grand kids to come over to. The only reason you’ll leave is because you need to downsize for the condo or because you’re ready to retire south.

According to an article from The Zebra in March of 2024, “the average length of homeownership is 8 years and the median tenure is 13.2 years.” 63% of homeowners have lived in their home for less than 10 years.

The fact is life changes. That change can be from a variety of things, job changes, family changes, climate changes, health changes and your taste or lifestyle can change.

You can love a home when you see it or buy it and picture your life there. I am guilty of this when my ex-husband and I bought our house in Ada in 2019. We loved it. I could picture the kids playing on the stairs, the future dinner parties, the holiday decorations at the perfect places, the guest rooms for everyone to come over and stay if needed. A little over four years later life changed and we were looking at a divorce. There was a moment where I thought to myself, I should keep the house because I loved it when we bought it, it was a great investment and area, and all of the other logical things especially as a realtor in the business. Of course reality set in quickly after those thoughts and the more I thought about some of those things that I loved about the house from that first time, I actually started to hate the house.

Here are my first thoughts that I remember loving:

• • 5 bedrooms plus the two living rooms and formal dining room will be great for everyone to have enough space for work, kids, entertaining and separate defined spaces and rooms like I always wanted.
    
    
  • The kitchen has so much potential for an amazing remodel and the price reflected that when we bought it.
    
    
  • My ex husband loved how large the lot was, how mature the trees were and all the green space.
    
    
  • The mudroom is perfectly set up to add lockers and storage with a simple refresh.
    
    
  • The deck is huge and great for entertaining and having people over.
    
    
  • The neighborhood, school district and location was sought after by many people and one my husband was proud to be in.
    
    

Here are my thoughts when packing those boxes to move:

• • This house is way too big, I hated cleaning it and hated having to pay someone to clean it at times. No one ever used the extra living room off the kitchen, literally the furniture was covered in dust more often than it was not.
    
    
  • Kitchen remodels are incredibly expensive. We did not do the remodel. The kitchen eventually bothered me so much I started to even dislike cooking in it, and I always enjoyed cooking.
    
    
  • He forgot to think of the amount of yard work that comes with keeping up the greenspace despite my reminders. Eventually we both resented the trees and the sounds of either a chainsaw, leaf blower, lawn mower or other yard machine going nearly every day from surrounding neighbors keeping up their yard every waking moment of every day.
    
    
  • When you do a remodel it will never look like it does in the 5 minutes after you complete it, so stop stressing over it. Give up on the concept that people will not put their shoes where they are supposed to and two hooks per locker might look good but will still not be enough in the fall and winter.
    
    
  • I can count on one hand how many people came over in the warm weather months to enjoy and party on that deck like I had hoped. Instead it became a constant idea of what we could have done in the backyard or how to change it but never wanting to commit to changing it from the way it was. And worst of all, I feel like I never really enjoyed it enough myself.
    
    
  • I felt like I never fit in. I drove a black full size truck by choice and necessity (for horses) and preferred to have my hair up in a baseball bat coming from the barn or work and was never going to fit in with the fresh blow out crop top wearing white range rover driving stay at home moms.
    
    

It was not a forever house for us, and that’s okay. The neighbors on either side of us at the time had been there for more than 30 years. And on the other side of them were new families moving in as well. It could be a forever house just not for us. That doesn’t mean that wonderful memories and lessons were learned there.

Here are my favorite memories from it:

• • My son and dog having the most fun on that deck playing and popping bubbles for hours in the sunshine
    
    
  • The poorly placed tree that somehow my son always missed hitting when coming down the slide- Painting the fireplace and redoing the entry way was my favorite update of the house
    
    
  • The feeling of safety knowing we didn’t even have a key to our front door until it was listed for sale
    
    
  • A few of the neighbors that we came to love. My grandpa passed away before we bought the house and one of them was the perfect pseudo grandfather and meeting him at the mailbox warmed my heart every time.
    
    

Here are lessons learned that will be top of mind when I find my next “forever house:”

• • The size of bathrooms can make up for quantity
    
    
  • Nonstandard size doors or windows may or may not ever be worth it
    
    
  • When you’re hoping one of the many large trees will fall on the kitchen or bathroom to file an insurance claim for a new kitchen or bathroom, it won’t fall that way, it will fall on the fence and hurt nothing.
    
    
  • Painting and moving your office multiple times within the house will not make you more productive because of the view or paint color.
    
    
  • You may love the house, but community and a feeling of belonging outweighs that.
    
    

As a realtor selling what I thought would be the forever house was perfect for personal life and my business. It put so many things into perspective about the process of buying and selling especially at a difficult personal time and made me a better agent because of it. I am thankful to pass on this knowledge to my clients and also very empathetic to those moves that are not always so fun, exciting or happy.